I Keep On Lovin'

I Keep On Lovin' You lyrics

Love takes the patience of Job
That's what my Mama always said
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know
That's what the good book says

You gotta play the cards you got
Who knows what fate is holding
At times you gotta go
Without knowing where you're going

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby-don't-leave-mes
And never-will-agains
And I-promise-tos, I keep on lovin' you

Lord knows we've had our share of fights
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs
We've had plenty and then some
Of baby-I'm-gones and turnarounds

Sometimes I swear it might be easier
To throw in the towel
Someday we're gonna look back
And say look at us now

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby-don't-leave-mes
And never-will-agains
And I-promise-tos

I keep on lovin' you, keep on lovin' you
Through the I-take-it-backs
I-didn't-mean-it-like-thats
I'd-never-hurt-yous, oh, I keep on lovin' you

I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby-don't-leave-mes
And never-will-agains
And I-promise-tos

I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the I-take-it-backs
I-didn't-mean-it-like-thats
I'd-never-hurt-yous, oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you

Reba.....gotta love this song

Every time I turn the conversation
To something deeper than the weather
I can feel you always shuttin' down
And when I need an explanation for the silence
You just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now

What you're not saying is coming in loud and clear
We're at a crossroads here

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this
Then I guess, we're done, let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

With you I've always been wide open
Like a window or an ocean
There is nothing I've ever tried to hide
So when you leave me not knowin' where you're goin'
I start thinkin' that we're lookin', we're lookin' at goodbye

How about a strong shot of honesty?
Don't you owe that to me?

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this
Then I guess, we're done, let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

Consider me a memory, consider me the past
Consider me a smile in an old photograph
Someone who used to make you laugh

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
Then I guess, we're done, let's not drag this on
Consider me gone, consider me gone
Consider me gone, just consider me gone

"Don't let me get me" Pink sings the soundtrack to my life

I never win first place
Don't support the team
Can't take direction
and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me
My parents hated me
I was always in a fight
Cuz I cant do nothing right
Every day I fight a war against the mirror
Can't take the person staring back at me

(CHORUS)
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irratating.. don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be someone else (yeah)

L.A. told me
You'll be a pop star
All you have to change
Is everything you are
Tired of being compared
To damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty
That just aint me
So doctor doctor wont you please prescribe me something
The day in the life of some one else

(CHORUS)
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irratating.. don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else (yeah)
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irratating.. don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

So doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something
The day in the life of someone else (Don't let me get me)

(CHORUS)
Oooh I'm a hazard to myself! (yeah)
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself (yourself)
So irratating.. (So irratating)
Don't wanna be my friend no more (Don't, don't, wanna somebody else)
I wanna be somebody else
Don't let me get me (don't let, don't let me get me)
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself (it's bad, it's so bad)
So irratating.. don't wanna be my friend no more (aaah)
I wanna be somebody else
Don't let me get me...

momma and my boys

things that annoy me

Normally i'm a positive person.....i have a lot to be thankful for but somedays i just get annoyed!!!!

* people who hold their dogs while they drive - i'm a dog lover too, but that's just NOT safe!

* drive thru workers who don't speak, just hand out my soda....no "have a good day" or "thank you".

* people who choose to sit directly in front of me at the movies when there are tons of other seats - ok if i wasn't a shortie this might not bother me as much....lol

* having hundreds of channels on cable but i still can't find anything to watch!

* the fact that i can never seem to get ahead....always living paycheck to paycheck.

* running out of paper @ the printer or copier @ work.

* men/guys who check out other women/girls while they are with their wives/girlfriends - this annoyance is worse if said wife/girlfriend is pregnant.

ok, rant over!!!!!

For my james......i love you

Gary Allan
We fly by night

Wake up Monday morning lookin' at another 50 hour week
Hit the ground, black coffee, runnin' on 2 hours of sleep
Damned old truck won't start and I've got some place to be by eight
You spin around in circles, cookin' breakfast, runnin' late too
You're stressed out, stretched thin, sometimes it's just like a zoo
We come home tired and weary after making it through on more day.

(Chorus)

And we fly by night
Wrapped around each other 'neath the pale moonlight
Everything in the great big world feels right
Baby you and I, we fly by night


Well, traffic's backed up bumper to bumper for 15 miles
Call you on the phone said "Hang on babe, it's gonna be a while"
You say, "Hurry home lover, I'm wearing nothing but a smile for you."
Already got my coat off as I pull into the drive
Sometimes I think I must be the luckiest man alive
When you pull me down on the couch and slowly slide off my boots.

(Repeat Chorus)

No, I wouldn't care if the sun never shined again, again..

(Repeat Chorus)

baby you and I, we fly by night
Whooooooo

the definition of insecure

in·se·cure (ĭn'sĭ-kyŏŏr')

1. Not sure or certain; doubtful.

2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe.

3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady.

4. a.Lacking stability; troubled.

b.Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety.

I am insecure......sad but true. My insecurity causes me a lot of problems. It makes me do things that I normally wouldn't and feel anxious about things that i shouldn't. it's difficult for me to deal with these issues but i'm trying.

taking time for me

i realized something the other day....i don't really know who i am anymore....i have been so many things to other people that i think i've lost me. i describe myself as a mother, fiance', daughter, sister, friend, employee but i don't really know me outside of those things. i think that i am afraid of who i might be or what i might see if i take a true look at myself. i characterize myself by my physical, mental and emotional flaws but fail to bring my positive attributes to any one's attention.

lately i feel so old.....i know that 32 isn't old.....i really don't think i am old but it's hard when you start to notice the tell tell signs of aging. of course there's my weight......that is an ongoing saga.

i am going to take more time out for me......for what i want to do....i'm going to take more time to blog and reflect on my thoughts and feelings. even if no one ever reads my thoughts i think it will help for me to get them out.

Thought of the day: I am worth it! (i might not feel this way yet.....but maybe if i keep thinking it, saying it and typing it i might start to feel it!)

Happy Birthday James

Happy Birthday to my dearest James! I know this has been very tumultuous but I am so proud of how you've handled all the obstacles and set backs. You are an amazing man and I am so blessed to have you in my life. I love you!

Twenty years and two husbands ago

Lee Ann Womack

singing my life....lol

Lookin' in the bathroom mirror puttin' my makeup on
Maybelline can't hide the lines of time that's gone
I weighed 105 soakin' wet, I'd knock 'em dead in that sun dress
Had it all just too young to know,
That was twenty years and, two husbands ago

I remember when he took my hand and said "I do"
And the kitchen I was standing in, when he said "I'm through"
And I swore I'd never fall back in, put my heart through that again
Never let somebody get that close
But that was twenty years and, two husbands ago

Water under the bridge
I guess that's all life really is, that's just the way it is

Driving the kids to school today, it occurred to me
With all the wrong turns that I've made,
I'm right where I should be
But I go back there from time to time
Lookin' for that peace of mind,
And find it's always just a dead-end road
Yeah that was twenty years and, two husbands ago

Water under the bridge
I guess that's all life really is, that's just the way it is

Lookin' in the bathroom mirror puttin' my makeup on

how you know a man truly loves you......

when he tells you how sexy you are when you're sick, nose red like Rudolph and your fragrance is vapor rub but he's looking at you like you're a centerfold

when he holds your hair back when you get sick

when he watches say yes to the dress, what not to wear or project runway with you

when he tells you that you are more attractive than a beautiful model, actress, singer

when he tells you you're perfect just the way you are, when you both know you could stand to lose more that a few pounds

when he grins to himself while you complain about your smile lines because he knows he is the cause of those smiles

when he braves the cold to pump your gasoline

when he holds you while you cry @ a commercial because you have pms

when he tells you that you are his best friend

when he believes in you when no one else seems to

when he understands that sometimes you don't need your problems solved you just need someone to listen

when his eyes light up when you tell him you love him.

Twenty Ten

Ok, am i the only one that thought we'd be riding around in flying cars by now? seriously, when i watched the jetsons or back to the future when i was a kid, i really thought that by 2010 things would be soooooo much different. i thought that there would be a cure for cancer, that i could buy my groceries with my thumb print and i'd have a hover board. the advancement in computers and medicine are impressive and i know we've come along way but where's my robotic maid?

The more things change......the more they stay the same.

The last few years I've noticed that sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. Examples: 1. Every night of every year my son has been in school we have the same conversation about homework. He gets more responsible, smarter and capable with each passing year, however we still have the same conversation. 2. My job: I have switched law firms, and went from Plaintiff work to Defense work in the past 10 yrs but I still have some of the same complaints. 3. My Ex-husband, we aren't married anymore yet we still have disagreements over a lot of the same stuff.

4. This is my best example.......Mindtwister. He and I have a wonderful relationship and I love him very much. We have been through so much the last few years and we're now engaged. We don't argue very much but when we do.....it's the same 3 arguments over and over. We even have a pattern......one of us gets mad.......we try to convince the other that our view is the correct view......the other gives a rebuttal....one of us finally decides we are tired of arguing and says that we'll agree to disagree or that we're sorry and we'll kiss and make up. If I wasn't so angry when it is going on it might be down right comical.....he and I are both very stubborn.......very stubborn. The last time we argued it was heated........I was a little more hurt than usual so I argued a little harder than usual.....but in the middle of the argument I decided that I wanted to skip ahead. I leaned in and passionately kissed him and told him that I was ready for the make up sex. He laughed and agreed.

Maybe I can't change everything that I want but I can change the way I react.

Project Positivity

Project Positivity - I've been feeling kinda down so I thought I'd give myself a boost with thinking positive thoughts. Below are 20 things that make me smile:

1. Having my boys or mindtwister tell me they love me.
2. Snuggling with my boys.
3. Falling asleep listening to mindtwister's heart beat as I lay on his chest.
4. The sound of my youngest son's laughter when he gets really tickled.
5. Hearing my oldest son express his views in a very grown up and persuasive way.
6. Seeing my sons' compassion for others.
7. Seeing almost all of my family on Christmas.
8. Spending time with my grandparents.
9. Getting doggie kisses from Borden.
10. Watching cartoons with my boys.
11. Figuring something out that I find difficult.
12. Hearing a song from the 1980s.
13. Finding a pair of shoes that fit and that I can afford.
14. Playing Wii with mindtwister and the boys.
15. Playing drums on Rockband.
16. Feeling appreciated.
17. Getting compliments.
18. Receiving a message from a friend or loved one.
19. Feeling proud of a job well done.
20. Being with mindtwister and my boys.

Random pics

Me playing with my crazy hair...lol

My Handsome Men on Christmas Morning

This song makes me happy.....Thanks Owl City!

You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep.
'Cause they fill the open air and leave teardrops everywhere.
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare.
I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm sleep,
'cause everything is never as it seems.'
Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs
as they tried to teach me how to dance.
A fox trot above my head, a sock hopped beneath my bed,
a disco ball is just hanging by a thread.
I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when
I'm asleep 'cause everything is never as it seems. (When I fall asleep)
Leave my door open just a crack. (Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac. (Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep (Please take me away from here)
when I'm far too tired to fall asleep?
To ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes.
I got misty eyes as they said farewell. (Said farewell)
But I'll know where several are if my dreams get real bizzare
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar.
I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.
It's hard to stay that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep,
'cause everything is never as it seems. (When I fall asleep)
I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep,
'cause everything is never as it seems. (When I fall asleep)
I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly.
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
because my dreams are bursting at the seams.

another year has come and gone.....sigh

so here i am another year behind me. what has changed in the last year? well mindtwister and i got engaged.....that is one in the positive column. mindtwister survived a near death experience, my kiddos are happy and healthy, my family had a pretty good year all positives. where am i with my personal struggles.......the same place i was a year ago, two years ago, etc. i can't seem to get past some of my issues. i keep looking for the reasons......keep wondering when i will "wake up"? i've made the changes in my life that i thought were necessary to make it happen.......but then something small happens and instead of it being a minor set back, it is major and i end up right where i started.

i am going to continue on my path and maybe next year i will be closer to moving past my issues. only time will tell.

Another summer has come and gone.......

My youngest on his 1st day @ the big boy school

both my lil' guys

My oldest looking oober cool!

It's so hard to believe school is back in session already. This year both my boys are in the same school so that makes it a little easier for me but I'm a little sad that both my boys are "big" boys now. They always say that time goes by faster as you get older......with every passing year this proves to be more true. I'm hoping that both of the boys will have a great school year!

Hmmmm.....am I really that f'd up?

Have you ever had something happen that made you wonder just that? i've had that experience today. those of you that know me or have followed my blog over the years know that i struggle with self esteem issues......both with my physical appearance and with my confidence in my abilities and relationships. life is funny and kinda ironic at times. it seems that when i get comfortable with one aspect of myself something happens to set me back. i keep thinking that either i am meant to feel this way (maybe it's some sort of punishment) or maybe i really am that f'd up! we all have flaws, issues, things that we wish we could change......but do you ever struggle to find the things that you like about yourself? the things that you find acceptable? the things that you wouldn't change even if you could? i do.....all the time.....everyday. it's sad.....it makes me sad. it's a cycle......i feel bad about myself and then i do something or say something that is bitter and then i feel even worse about myself. i can't seem to break the cycle and when i think i've put it behind me.....something or someone brings it to my attention that i in fact have not.....~sigh~

this entire blog may be some kind of ramble and may not make a bit of sense....if that's the case i apologize to any one who happens to read this pitiful post.

don't get the wrong idea....i love my boys, my boyfriend, my family and friends....they fill my life with the love and joy that keeps me going but i just wish i could find a way to love my self....scratch that....like myself.....hell who am i kidding....i just wish i could not HATE myself.

so....here i am left with all of these thoughts....what to do....what to do.....i guess i need to work on the things that i hate the most.......first of all my physical appearance. I've been attending weight watchers, joined the ymca (and i've actually been working out and enjoying it.....strange) and considered surgery if this attempt fails.

As far as my thoughts and behavior......I have been trying to keep my negativity to myself......this has proved to be quite a difficult task and i just found out i haven't been doing as good of a job with this one as i thought......but i will continue to try to change......i guess i'll just have to try harder!

i again apologize if anyone happens to read this.....but i do feel a little better getting it all out of my head.

Reflecting

So much has happened since my last blog entry..........too much to squeeze into one post. There has been one thing that happened that has effected me more that anything else.........the death of my aunt. She was sick for over 8 months.....she fought so hard and suffered so much. To say that I will miss her is an understatement! She was one of the strongest, funniest and most fun people I've ever been around. She had a light about her that didn't dim even in the end. Her smile and laugh would fill your heart.

She was more than my aunt.......she was one of my closest friends. We had so many good times and were there for each other through the tough times. I know that she's in a better place and no longer suffering and for that I'm grateful but the selfish part of me is sad.........I miss her......I will ALWAYS miss her. The world will be a much different place without her voice but heaven is a brighter place with the addition of our Angel. I love you Kath......you will not be forgotten.